I am fat, not pleasingly plump, whatever that is. I mean what is pleasing about being plump? I am just plain, old-fashioned, fat. That’s okay. I am where I am because of what I have chosen to put in my mouth.

However, recently I have recognized that I don’t particularly like to be around fat people. I began to ponder the reason. Some of these people who were no fatter than I am actually repulsed me. What was that about? Where did this self-righteous critical spirit come from?

Perhaps we judge beauty as we see through our windows of life. If I wear casual clothes to my job, the people who like wearing business wear, might say that I look uncouth.

I heard a story once about an elderly lady who needed an aide to come care for her as she recuperated from surgery. Every day the aide would wheel her to a small table by the big bay window where she served her lunch. Every day instead of enjoying the sunshine the lady complained about the dirty children who played across the street. She made cutting remarks about what a terrible mother they must have to always be so dirty.

One day when she came to the window, she exclaimed, “I declare those children are clean today! It’s about time! I wonder what happened.”

I think the same thing happens when we judge others. We are dirty inside and out and we don’t like what we see because it is a reflection of what is on the inside of us. Perhaps we are afraid if we associate with it, others may recognize that we have it, too.

Beauty has no intrinsic value. We have a declaration from Madison Avenue of what real beauty is, but is it? Actress Salma Hayek once said, “People often say that 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder,' and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look, including inside ourselves.”

Have you ever worn glasses that had scratches on them? It distorts the view. Every hurt we take in scratches the window of our soul. It’s time to clean the windows of our lives inside and out and find the beauty in everyone. It’s there. An old English proverb says that the eyes are the windows of the soul. What we see is a reflection of the state of our soul.

The disdain I have for fat people bubbles out of my own self-hatred. Instead of dealing with my own issues, I project my pain onto others. Each expression of self-hatred goes scratch, scratch on my lenses of life until the real view is barely perceptible.

The solution is in accepting who I really am and change the things I don’t like. Turn off the tape recorders, which blare in at opportune moments: the blasts from the past, all the negative curses spoken over me in anger.

It’s time to change the tape and replace the lenses.

Instead of looking for character or physical defects in others, look for the beauty. Dare to look in their eyes. When you do, you will begin to see glimpses of, you, before the pain, neglect or abuse: That you, who laughed and sang. Sing that song no matter how warbled.

When I find something I don’t like in another, instead of looking out, I need to begin to look within. What scratch on my soul impairs my view of their real view. When I eliminate my own scratches, I can see more clearly and love more deeply.