Positioning: it was never a concept I gave much thought to. But after watching a drama put on by the Lord, I came away with a better understanding of my position in marriage.

The scene unfolded one early summer morning when I went to the boardwalk to look out over the preserve. Almost immediately my attention was diverted to stage right, where two baby raccoons played together on a barren tree. The one that led the way was slender and timid. The second was plump, but followed close behind.

As I watched Act 1 in silence, I noticed that these two actors didn’t scurry up and down the tree as much as I expected or as quickly as I’ve seen adults move. On the contrary, they were cautiously slow as they maneuvered themselves from the front of the tree to the rear. Only then, secure behind the dense flora, did white encircled eyes peer out to survey the surroundings before moving again.

Perhaps it was because they were young and afraid. Perhaps it was because I was present. Perhaps it was because this was their first venture together without the supervision of mom or dad. Whatever the reason, I couldn’t help but notice that their positioning never changed. The slender one always led and the plump one always followed. There was never any jockeying for the lead position, and no one raced ahead leaving the other far behind.

When the show was over, I asked the Lord if there was anything he wanted to reveal to me. I felt impressed that this was an illustration of my husband and me within our marital relationship. He began by reminding me that like the baby raccoons, we too are young. That is young in our relationship, having only been married three years.

The one in the front was representative of my spouse: spiritually slender in the Lord and yet willing to lead: timid in his walk, but only because he was still learning how to be the spiritual head of our home. Although he was slow-going at times, he truly was a mighty man of God with a heart after him. In fact, that’s why he was in the lead. He knew the position God had called him to and willingly filled it, body, soul and spirit.

The plump one of course was indicative of me. Not because I’m overweight I might add, but because I’ve walked with the Lord a while longer. He then tenderly revealed that although I followed my husband outwardly, it was a completely different matter of the heart. For subconsciously I resisted the secondary place I had been called to. I didn’t like having to wait on him, consult with him, or give him the final say on decisions. Oh sure, I knew in my mind that his leading was God-ordained and for my own protection, but in reality I filled the position of follower more out of compulsion than joyful persuasion.

Perhaps it was due to the fact that I had lived a lot of my life as a single woman. I had learned to take care of myself and was quite capable, thank you very much. I then learned how to rely on Jesus, and though that was difficult at first, I’ve now realized that trusting a perfect God was a lot easier than trusting an imperfect human. Now don’t get me wrong: I’m thrilled to be married. I just expected that things would continue on their merry way without my having to submit so much. Silly me.

And yet, because God understood my silent frustrations, he continued to reveal the truth. He showed me that because of a spirit of pride within me, I had often grown tired and weary of being patient with my spouse while he learned God’s ways. Due to an overwhelming spirit of fear, I was motivated to race ahead of him and take control of a situation before I could be negatively affected by his mistakes. Although I knew in my soul that I needed to step back so he could step forward, a spirit of anger arose within me each time he didn’t do his part. No wonder he thought I had a negative attitude! I had taken offense, held grudges and harbored bitterness. And all the while, I never recognized that my fear, anxiety and stress were the result of a spirit of resistance.

Whoa: a spirit of resistance? How could that be true, especially from me; a woman who has wanted to be married to a God-fearing man for as long as I can remember? Whatever the reason, it really didn’t matter. All that mattered was that God loved me so much that he told me the truth. He revealed the spirit behind my sin so I could repent and be set free. And with that done it was easy to be restored and reconciled.

As for the raccoons, they were close. And truthfully, that’s exactly how I want to be within my marriage. I want to be close, following right after my husband as he follows after the Lord.