"I have seen the healing hand of God, reaching out & mending broken hearts."

I've been thinking...I know, scary right?

I was driving down a dark country road tonight thinking about where I've come from, which is 20 years of mental hell, depression and torment.

It's not always a fun thing for me to look at my past, but tonight was very different. Tonight I was able to look back and give God all of the glory. It's beyond amazing to me that He's kept me alive this long. Obviously The Father has had His hand on me. There's no other logical explanation as to why I'm still walking this earth other than God.

"And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life."

I can tell you right now that I am beginning to receive that "hundredfold", AMEN.

This past summer had been the longest and most intense of my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I wouldn't trade the trial and the grief, the pain or the hurt. I especially wouldn't trade the LOVE. I have met God AND His people on a whole other level.

There's so much freedom in finally realizing that God is not a liar and that He really, really, REALLY does love me. I mean, it says in His word that He SINGS over me. I am the apple of His eye and His beloved. He knows ALL of the hairs on my head. Understand, I've intellectually known all of the above for quite some time, but to have it sink into your heart is an entirely different story. It's taken more time than it probably should have for it to all finally sink in, but I'm not complaining now that it has!

New layers are coming off of my heart.

No, I'm not going to lie and say that it's all roses everyday. It's not easy to let God, people, or even myself love me; but everyday that I drag my butt out of bed and put myself around people who love me, I get victory over the enemy. This is the hardest and most stretching thing I've ever done, but victory in God is a pretty sweet thing!

Most of my life I've been known as the angry & rebellious girl who hates people. Let me just go ahead and clear that label up right now. That is NOT who I am nor is it who I will ever be labeled as, again.

I will do my best to let love in and to give it out [no promises here, but I will learn, have mercy]. It's truly too exhausting to keep up this wall I've had up my whole life. It's even harder to keep it up with people and God trying to demolish it with their lovingkindness.

I'm not making any promises, but I'm pretty sure that there is a brand new “me” starting to emerge. The exciting thing is...this is but the beginning.

"Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you."