It’s been two years since we first married and although I would say that we have a great marriage, I would also say that it’s not the healthiest; emotionally healthy that is. For whenever we get out of sorts with each other, my husband typically escapes to the shower or bedroom, rather than deal with the issue. To say that he hates confrontation is an understatement; I don’t relish it either. I would rather run after him and obtain an immediate fix to our problem, so that I can be obedient to the scripture that says, “Do not let the sun set on your anger.”

I realize though, that no matter how much I want to talk things out, reconciliation was impossible unless he was ready for it as well. So after a year of figuratively hitting the wall, I took some advice and changed my plan of action. Rather than force him to discuss his feelings and come up with a solution in my time frame, I decided to wait. I figured that if I would just give him time enough to sort through everything that happened, then eventually he would approach me and reconciliation would occur. Wrong!

As much as I wanted him to take the lead and voluntarily come back to the discussion table it just didn’t happen. Perhaps it was due to my attitude. NO. The reality is that it WAS due to my attitude. For in the midst of this waiting period, I’d give him the cold shoulder. Oh sure I’d answer his questions, cook his meals and live with (but certainly not in unity with) him. In fact, the last thing I wanted was to be so nice to him that he would think there wasn’t a problem at all. Absolutely not! My flesh had been hurt and he needed to know it. No letting him off the hook!

No wonder he wouldn’t approach me. He was scared to death of me.

When I finally got tired of getting nowhere, and expressed to Gary that we might just have to seek counseling, things changed for both of us. I finally stopped telling the Lord what I wanted him to do in my husband, and I let the Lord speak to me. Surprisingly, he used the story of David and Goliath in 1 Samuel 17^* to speak to us both.

One day we were in the pool, spending time together, after what had been an emotionally difficult week. Out of the blue, God brought the Old Testament story to mind. Using my lips, He spoke the truth to both of us, giving us a visual picture of how we interacted with each other.

He explained that in our flesh, I was Goliath and my husband was the Israelite army. That although I was a petite, five-foot-two inch woman, I acted like a giant; oftentimes controlling and intimidating my spouse. He also made clear that like God’s army, my spouse initially took up his position, only to retreat in defense out of fear before any victory could take place.

However in order to win the battle, my husband would have to become the spiritual leader and like David, approach me in the power and strength of the Lord: For the battle was not ours but the Lord’s.

He also pointed out that it wouldn’t be necessary for Gary to utilize the weapons of man like I did. All he would need is five smooth stones (the words of God): for one perfectly placed stone would kill the flesh that raged within me.

Finally he revealed to my husband that contrary to what it appeared to be, I truly did want my flesh to be subdued. Like Goliath, I was willing to become a slave of the victor, if he would only take the victory. I needed my husband to rise up as the spiritual head of our home, for I didn’t want to be a Goliath anymore. I wanted him to cut off the head of the giant, so he could be the head: It didn’t matter that the giant, was me.

Sound odd? It shouldn’t. Not for those who want to live under God’s divine order. For God established the man to be the head of the wife, just as Jesus is the head of the Church. And when that order prevails, peace prevails indeed.

*From the Holy Bible (KJV)