I found myself at LAX this Valentine's Day, stranded in the food court, surrounded by travelers…a strange breed of humanity. It’s like a Vintner’s blend, and I quote “it can be as simple as taking two separate wines and mixing them together to complicating things a bit by taking multiple varietals from multiple regions and blending them to make a new wine with a unique flavor experience.” Yes, I am comparing airport people to wine because I believe people are a lot like wine, ever since I looked up the definition of my mothers favorite 1982 Cabernet and compared it to her and it hit the nail on the head. I call it Winestrology.

I want more right now:  I want to be hot right now like the California sun with the windows open in my car on the way to my new beautiful apartment, dancing in my living room listening to the new music my friends made for me. But as the Rolling Stones said it best, ‘you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need, oh yes! Woo! You get what you need’ ... I hear that playing in the background as I write this…in my head.

I’ve always wanted more:

adj. Comparative of many, much.

*Greater in number: a hall with more seats.

*Greater in size, amount, extent, or degree: more land; more support.

*Additional; extra: She needs some more time.

I knew I’ve always been bigger than my surroundings and that has come to a fault sometimes. I’ve found it hard to embrace this feeling because I’ve always strived for better, bigger, stronger…I’ve slept on a stone floor in a shack shithouse and I’ve stayed at the Ritz on an Eastern King…I could really give a whoot, I’m happy with both, I just want to know that whatever I am doing is the best that I could be doing at that very moment with my life and exciting on top of that. My experiences at the latter have been completely different, less spontaneous and although I feel fancy (which is one of my favorite feelings in the world), it doesn’t make you think as much, it doesn’t challenge you in any way.

Luxury, we have to remind ourselves, is a luxury. It’s comfortable; really comfortable. But, it’s the moments when I have found myself in situations sharing a bunk bed in a 4x8 bedroom in South America and sparsely running water with a female student from Canada, a boy from Italy who speaks no English and a shy traveler from New England studying for her PhD. it just makes you realize something, It makes you realize that people are a lot like you, even if they aren’t anything like you, you can always find a thread of commonality that makes you smile, that is something that is learned. That in itself is a luxury of a different kind.

For example my friend Kilian, the one from Spain, and his fiend Ricardo flew in from Rome, I let Ricardo stay with me for a few days, after Kilian left back to Milan for work. Ricardo and I would sit out on my patio and speak not Italian (which I speak, If any, very badly) nor English (which, if any, he spoke even worse), we had to settle on Spanish (his Spanish was decent but he had such a thick Italian accent I still couldn’t understand him because it still just sounded like Italian)…we would laugh hysterically at those moments we spent together, just trying to communicate was so challenging yet wonderful.

It’s kind of like being in love, when you’re in love with someone, everything is easy, all the little things that would normally put you off, you actually find the joy in doing them because you know you’re going to make that person happy…but what if that other person was you? I wasn’t in love with Ricardo, but I was in love with the situation I was in. That’s where life and learning fill the place of loving someone else…when you love life and learning, everything you do is easy. Falling in love on top of all that is the icing on the cake.

Ricardo was so lovely to have around, such a light spirit, gracious, humble and he though I was hilarious which is always the way to my heart! Even though we hardly understood what the other was saying. We laughed until the sun came up; he taught me that you don’t need to speak the same language to get each other. Happiness and laughter are universal.

I’ve struggled with wanting more for myself my whole life; it’s part of my madness. The meticulous ups and downs, the charm, the beauty of participating in your own destiny. Throughout this journey I’ve learned not to be passive if you want something.

Some days I do feel like little girl lost but I still find, as I have written before, solace in the bathtub, seeing my same feet, the very things that keep me grounded, on either side of multiple faucets, new, old, uneven, leaky, fancy, utilitarian, high tech and straight native.

At the end of the day, whatever language you speak, whatever source the water you’re bathing in came from, wherever you may find yourself next Valentine’s Day, never give up hope.